21 Reminders for Parents and Families

Promote Your Child’s Social Emotional Development and Foster Their Resilience

Summer is upon us and many of you who may not be seeing kiddos until September may be thinking about what you can offer their parents and families, to continue social emotional learning at home! How about 21 simple reminders? Give these a look and then we encourage you to share this blog post with the parents and families of children in your care.

1. Provide predictable routines. Advanced notice of change helps young children feel protected and understood. When young children experience consistency, they learn they have influence on their environment and that caregivers are dependable. Young children feel comforted and develop frustration tolerance when they know what is going to happen every day, and with whom, where, and how.
2. Stay close by. When adults are near, young children get the message that their needs matter and that the adult will take care of them and keep them safe. When young children feel safe, they tend to greet the world with interest and wonder. Repeated exposure to a calm, available, familiar adult helps children regulate.
3. Do what you say you are going to do. Being consistent with actions and words helps children develop trust in familiar adults. Children who have experienced trauma early in life seek consistency to make sense out of the world. Your child learns what to expect from you if you stay connected, respond to his or her needs and follow through. This can lessen the possibility of a stressful response from your child if minor changes occur during the day. When children have adults in their lives who respond to their needs, they will seek help when needed.
4. Recognize your child’s strengths. A sense of connection is created when caregivers and young children experience shared joy. When efforts are noticed and celebrated, young children gain greater skill and confidence in what they do. These types of interactions and moments can help a young child be more open to limit-setting and problem-solving during stressful times.
5. Provide safe and loving limits. Young children learn from adults how to navigate their world safely. Teaching children to redirect their behavior or choose something more appropriate will help them to learn to do this more in the future. When a child does not learn simple limits, it may make it more difficult for her to get along with others. By learning what is acceptable and what is not safe, a child can take initiative to engage in behavior that elicits positive responses.
6. Provide positive guidance when responding to challenging behavior. When adults respond in a safe manner to young children’s behavior, it helps increase children’s sense of security and belonging. A safe response helps young children make sense of their world and what is happening. By recognizing familiar actions and things, young children are better able to anticipate transitions and keep their bodies calm.
7. Limit the number of caregivers in and out of your home. Limiting the number of caregivers will help children form close relationships with a small group of people who know their needs, cues, and personality. A familiar, dependable person can provide the safe base a young child needs to explore and learn, yet come back to when feeling unsure. Familiar caregivers who know young children’s cues, temperament, and behavior can help children calm down more easily and support their emotions more readily.
8. Positively manage your own difficult emotions. Adults who are present and attentive are better able to help young children gain comfort, which in turn, gives children the strength to work through struggles. The quality of care during early childhood supports the young child’s ability to manage stress and emotions. The adult caregiver’s ability to be present and attentive allows young children to know they are safe to explore and gain adult attention when needed. Young children need to have an adult close by with whom to check in regularly as they begin to try new types of play and explore.
9. Provide safe and gentle affection. Expressions of safe and gentle affection occur as familiar adults protect, guide, talk, learn, and play with children. Adults help set the tone for all of these interactions, offering reassurance and comfort for children, and helping children relax. Adults who are warm and affectionate show children that they like them, enjoy being with them, are having fun with them, and are pleased with their efforts and accomplishments. When affection matches a child’s comfort and preference (for example, using a gentle smile versus a hug for a child that does not yet enjoy touch), children are more likely to feel respected and able to accept and reciprocate affection.
10. Encourage the use of favorite comfort items. Comfort items serve as a source of security because they are familiar and safe. The need for comfort or security items usually occurs when children are becoming more independent and increasing their separateness from primary caregivers. Familiar comfort items can help young children recover from distress and calm themselves.
11. Respond to verbal and nonverbal cues. Young children tell adults verbally and nonverbally how they are feeling. Each time you respond and interact with your child, it is an opportunity to develop a trusting relationship. When familiar adults show interest and care consistently, children learn they can trust and depend on that security. This helps young children build the self-confidence they need in order to explore and learn new skills. Young children learn how to regulate their own behavior over time, if caring adults respond regularly to their cues.
12. Talk about feelings. Young children come to learn that their feelings matter, if their feelings are understood and validated by adults. When adults label feelings for young children, children learn to understand and label their own feelings. Talking to young children about their feelings will help them over time learn to connect words with their feelings and to control their impulses.
13. Support unique characteristics. When you recognize and support children’s individual characteristics, you are validating and valuing their individuality and uniqueness. When children’s behavior is accepted and validated, they feel safer to explore and try new things. Adults who understand a child’s unique needs are in tune with what strategies to use to calm a child who is tired, upset or angry.
14. Acknowledge accomplishments. When adults acknowledge and praise children’s efforts, children begin to associate their actions with tangible results. Most young children want to be independent, but still look to adults as a safe base and a source of encouragement. When adults share positive feedback with children, children begin to see how their behaviors can affect others. They learn to cooperate, share, and wait their turn more easily.
15. Engage during one-on-one play. Uninterrupted play lets children know they are important. They get to experience safe, one-on-one attention needed to promote healthy relationships. Engaging in meaningful play experiences shows children that their play is important and encourages them to continue and try new ideas. Play is often the way young children practice using social and emotional skills.
16. Keep your home safe. When the environment is safe for children, adults are able to devote their time to playing with children instead of constantly keeping children away from hazards. When materials and furniture are safe, children can explore freely and make choices. Safe environments support less restrictive caregiving that is positive for children.
17. Create a welcoming space to live. All children should feel that home is a welcoming and safe place. Children who are transitioning out of their homes, away from their families, or heading to a new foster care placement are facing tremendous change and disruption. By creating a soft, nurturing and welcoming home environment, children can begin to gain a sense of safety and security—allowing them to reach out and take part in new routines and daily life. When feeling safe and supported, children will have less anxiety.
18. Keep things organized. Having an organized environment can help children feel safe. When there is a place for things, life is more dependable and predictable, and often less fearful. Children will be able to explore their home safely. Children who have lived in unpredictable situations greatly benefit from structured and well-thought-out home environments, in which they can find and access what they need. When things are organized, adults have more time to be present with their children.
19. Use what is around you to help your child learn. Young children develop a sense of comfort and safety when adults help them build familiarity with the world around them. Engaging in everyday sensory and movement experiences allows children to learn by thinking and doing. Calming sensory experiences that are a part of the daily routine can help young children learn to control their body and regulate their breathing.
20. Have activities that match interests and skills. When activities and toys are fun, safe, and supportive, children get the message they are understood and important. By encouraging and planning for safe and thoughtful activities and experiences, you are helping your child build a strong foundation for learning and exploration. Offering children developmentally appropriate and interesting activities helps them focus on tasks—an important part of building self-regulation.
21. Provide simple choices. When you provide children with simple choices, they get the message that their ideas and opinions matter. By encouraging them to make choices during challenging and non-challenging moments, you are supporting their decision-making and problem-solving skills. When you show children you care about their wants and interests, you let them know they are important to you.