July 5, 2023
By Tammy Barrows
Co-regulation is when adults help children calm down during a stressful situation. Self-regulation is an essential skill for children to develop, in order to be able to successfully maneuver through life’s ups and downs. Building self-regulation begins with co-regulation.
The development of self-regulation is dependent on a predictable, responsive, and supportive environment from a trusted adult. Self-regulation is a learned skill that needs to be modeled and supported for the child until they are able to do it for themselves. A child with healthy self-regulation skills is better able to manage their emotions, make appropriate decisions, and learn more effectively. The most important part of successfully co-regulating with a child is for the trusted adult to be regulated themselves. This allows the adult to be able to provide a safe and calm presence to support the child during a challenge, not adding to the stress the child is experiencing.
- Model for the child. Often times they aren’t aware of their behavior or what they should do.
- Match the child’s energy – be their calm.
- Get down to their level, and let them know you are listening and are there to support them.
- Validate and help them name their feelings.
- Offer prompts, strategies, and choices of what is acceptable.
- Use positive reinforcement and praise.
- Look at a behavior you find challenging more so as a skill the child needs to learn.
- Be empathetic – how they feel is valid.
- Listen – you can never listen too much.
Tammy has been in the early childhood field for over 30 years, serving first as a preschool teacher and then as a preschool education director. She now serves as Professional Development Manager for the Devereux Center for Resilient Children.
